I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
