I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
