I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
