ya dads aren't the best wingmen
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
