The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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