last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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