I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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