he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize