Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
