hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Sober January is a disaster.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
this hospital has no fireball
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