My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
