she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
