I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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