He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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