If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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