Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
