He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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