my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
