He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
