Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
