so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
