pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize