my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
