This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Even my vagina gasped.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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