you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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