I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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