Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
