Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
