So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
