i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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