forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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