it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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