Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
