Nicole vs. Life
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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