Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
