I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize