Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You are a genius and a whore.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
