so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just threw up on my dentist
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
