Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
