At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
