Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
