whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
