What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
