this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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