A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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