i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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