We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize