I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
