Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize