You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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