He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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