the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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