Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
