sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
