I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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