U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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