Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
