I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
