i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
