that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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