We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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