we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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