You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
