I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
