Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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