i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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