HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
