Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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